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October 31 Proud as a PeacockFor the previous two halloweens, I was thinking of being Jackie O, but I could never find all the pieces (mostly, the trademark pink suit proved to be a challenge). As it was getting down to the wire last year, I was looking for a Plan B and stumbled upon a children's costume of a peacock. With a week to go before Halloween, I didn't have time to make it last year, but I stored the idea away for this year.
Here's how to make a peacock costume.
Supplies:
Fabric Glue
Feathers or Feather Boas
Black Skirt
Black Shirt or Leotard
Sequins, Black and Green
Glue Gun
2 Pieces of Cardboard
2 Pieces of Black Felt
1 Waist Length Piece of Black Elastic
Velcro
Accessories I added to the mix:
Blue Hair Spray
Shiny Green False Eyelashes
Black Tights
Bronze Shoes
Black Gloves
1. In June, I acquired some 5 ft tall peacock feathers from ebay. I figured I might cop out on tackling the project if I waited, so I bought the feathers to force myself to do this when Fall came around.
2. About 2 weeks before Halloween, I got to work. I tacked a black boa to the skirt using a thread and needle and then glued a ton of blue and green feather to my skirt as well. In retrospect, working with the boa was very easy while working with the glue and loose feathers was a complete mess. If I were to do it over again, I would simply buy all the feathers in boa form - then no glue would need to be involved. I had to shop-vac the entire work area when I was done as there were feather bits EVERYWHERE.
3. I glued the sequins to the chest of my leotard. Pretty easy but surprisingly time consuming. Did it while catching up on Tivo shows.
4. To make the tail, I cut out 2 pieces of cardboard about 8"x5" and, using fabric glue, covered them in black felt.
5. I then got out the peacock feathers and started to arrange them in a fan shape, trimming and shortening them as needed to fit the look. Once I had a general idea how I wanted it to look, I smeared a whole lot of glue gun glue on one of the pieces of cardboard. And then I just started attaching the peacock feathers in the shape that I wanted them to be in, adding more glue as needed. Lots of gluing. I occasionally held it up in front of the mirror to check for consistency of length and coverage. When I was done, I glued the middle of the elastic belt to the feathered piece of cardboard and then glued the second piece of cardboard on top of that. This created a cardboard sandwich with feathers in the middle and an elastic belt. I attached self-sticking velcro to the belt and voila! The tale was done.
6. The day of, I curled my hair in small curls, sprayed some blue hair color in my hair, and attached a small peacock feather to my hair. I added the false eyelashes and painted all around my eyes with green luminescent eyeshadow and shaded my brows with blue eyeliner. Adding a pair of tights and gloves kept me warm (and made the costume slightly more modest - because I got really sick of glueing feathers to the skirt, I ended up hacking it to a very short length). Paired with some bronze flats, the costume is complete!
I have to say that I was very pleased with the outcome. I was a bit apprehensive when setting out - it seemed like a lot could go wrong, but it turned out to be pretty easy to make. It's definitely my favorite of all the costumes I've ever had. Now only 364 days to try and top this!
October 26 GarfieldToday I started thinking about Garfield. In retrospect, there is really nothing at all funny or even cute about Garfield cartoons. Yet, the cat was very popular for awhile. He had merchandise, books, christmas specials, etc. Looking back, it's just not at all clear to me how Garfield became a phenomenon. I myself owned and enjoyed several Garfield books. Were our tastes less sophisticated in the late 80's? It must have been so - can you see shows like Family Ties or Punky Brewster being successful nowadays? By the same token, I'm trying to imagine a show like Lost or Six Feet Under succeeding on television in the 80s and I just can't see it happening. People just weren't ready for stuff that complex back then.
By the same token, looking at the books I read as a young adult compared to the ones that are being written now - it's like night and day. The books I read were usually very innocent, even if they did deal with issues - losing a leg in a car crash or the death of a friend were usually about as serious as it got. Books for teens now are all about issues like sex, abortion, being gay, rape, drug addiction etc. I realized the disparity when my 14 year old sister came to visit and didn't want to read any of my old YA books and went straight for the adult books about teens because they are juicier than any late 80s YA book could ever be.
I guess it's just sort of interesting to see how pop culture evolves - it just gets more and more sophisticated - I guess that part of it is technology, but a lot of it too is one idea coming along and completely changing the landscape (Twin Peaks, anyone?).
They did try to bring Garfield back recently, which also completely boggles my mind. It just seems so obvious to me that there's no room for Garfield in the current entertainment culture. Garfield is just too simplistic for the 00's. October 25 CommentaryThis was the featured article on Hotmail's lefthand nav links yesterday, so I checked it out. Reading the article, I realized that each example recounts an experience that absolves the woman from cheating or justifies it somehow. The common motifs are:
1. It's ok because we didn't end up staying together.
2. It's ok because I ended up marrying the guy I cheated with.
3. It's ok because he was a jerk.
You'd think they'd have at least one example where a woman is like, dude, I cheated cos this guy was hot and my boyfriend and I just had a fight and it was totally stupid. No, instead, they're all so noble. I found the article to be weird and sexist. The overt theme seems to be that women only cheat with the best of intentions, they're not sleazy jerks who break their word. Oh, no, never. Articles about men cheating are so pervasive and scathing, but the one article about women cheating makes it sound all rosy. How totally odd - I bet this Chelsea women who put the article together has a checkered past that she is trying to justify to herself. The Emperor's New ClothesThis morning, on the way to work, I suddenly remembered an episode from the San Fran Dot Com era, pre-bubble bursting, which had me giggling in the car. I worked for a search engine with offices south of Market and we had a 4 floor building, brand new, recently renovated. The powers that be decided that the office needed some flare and put together a committee of employees to spearhead the decorating efforts.
Through a random string of events (and the fact that I was secretly dating someone close to the source of the committee selection), I became a member of this committee. We met every Friday, and my primary motivation for joining was the free lunch involved. This may have been others' motivation as well because the head of the committee was always passing around menus in advance of the meeting and trying new places and what not. It was always a very posh lunch that we ordered in. They wanted to have a member representing each team in the company, but while I was technically part of the committee, I was in no way able to affect any of the decisions. I was a Token Member. I say this as a disclaimer.
We had several companies come in and pitch ideas. After 6 months of free lunches and much dithering, our decorating approach was decided upon. The endeavor would be twofold. There was a company that sold works by local artists - we purchased a few paintings that were very nice (though I'm sure the prices were grossly inflated). Our second prong of attack was...plants.
Originally, everyone agreed that we needed plants around the office, so a few plant companies were called in to quote us prices. One such company took it to the next level and began pitching what I can only describe as plant dioramas. Basically, the two women who owned the company (and up until about 2 years prior had been trophy wives that hadn't worked in 20 years) floated the idea that we should have themed plant groupings - in one corner of the office Egypt! Paris! A tiny Japanese garden! I kept waiting for them to be laughed out of there, but for some reason, this idea captured the fancy of the planning committee and took flight.
Therefore, we ended up spending something like 30 grand on 4 plant dioramas. I came into work the day they made their debut and almost lost my shit laughing. I think that it may have been one of those cases where actual size does not meet the scale of what everyone had pictured in their heads. When the plant women were showing us drawings of what they envisioned, I think the committee was picturing them at a life size scale - in fact, they were all miniatures. So, imagine a huge open office space and then four 3 feet by 3 feet plant dioramas placed around the space. First of all, not a lot of decorating bang for the buck. And secondly, they ended up being INCREDIBLY CHEESY in execution. Picture styrofoam pyramids painted by hand with sand likely purchased at the pet store. Miniature cacti and coyote figurines. Tiny japanese pagodas dwarfed by bonsai trees. Seeing everyone's reactions was priceless. No one wanted to talk trash, I mean, it was so bad that it was so obviously such a horrible mistake that trash did not even need to be talked. People would just walk by and giggle. The dioramas then started to get personalized with Star Wars action figures and other office toys. If the company's goal was increasing morale, they certainly succeeded. The dioramas were a source of much amusement to all and sundry.
But the charter to decorate the office was clearly not met. This was only supposed to be phase 1 of the decorating and another chunk of change was promised in the next quarter, but after seeing the results, the company promptly disbanded the decorating committee. 50K later, we had 3 paintings and some plant dioramas and a mostly empty office. I can only imagine what clients thought when they came through that place.
The company is still around and at the same location. I'm sure the plants are long gone, but I'd love to check out what they've done with the place since. Hee. October 24 SoloMark has been gone on his trip since the 8th of October, so I've had some time to get settled in my bachelorette ways. Here's how I've been livin' with him away:
1. I feel less guilty about my larder-stocking deficiencies and have fully embraced my poor habits. "Meals" I have eaten in Mark's absence: spaghetti-o's and baked beans left over from May's camping trip, E-Z cheese (leftover from houseboat) on pretzels (since we are out of crackers), sunflower seeds and ramen, halloween candy. Besides that, I've been eating out a lot. I guess I should go to the grocery store. Like the day before he gets home.
2. I can watch whatever I want on TV, whenever I want. Mark has this thing where I'm like, let's watch Lost (or whatever), and then he is like, yeah, that sounds good, but first let me show you this episode of Dirty Jobs (or Dog the Bounty Hunter or something). I DON'T GET IT - why do I always have to watch something FIRST before we can watch what I want to watch? I guess because he wants to share this stuff with me and knows that I would never watch it of my own volition, so he has to use the Carrot on a Stick method.
3. I go to bed earlier. Around 10, I'm pretty much bored with amusing myself and go to bed. Usually, I stay up much later than that when Mark is home. I've also been waking up later since he's not there to get annoyed by my perpetual snooze on the alarm clock.
4. I have to take out the trash and recycling. Which totally sucks. He usually manages this job, but now I have to do it. Dragging the cans to the curb on trash day especially sucks. When I clean out the fridge and stink up the trash can, I can't expect him to notice and take it out, so then the house gets stinky until I remember that there's only me to do the job. Boo.
5. I get to park in the garage. This is pretty sweet, especially since it's raining now. I've had a lot less interaction with the people in the 'hood now that I don't park on the street and I have to say it's been a welcome reprieve. No more wacky conversations with crackheads!
6. I hate talking on the phone, in general, and try to avoid it on weeknights. But the only interaction I can have with Mark is on the phone, so I've had to spend a lot more time on the phone. We're not really good at the phone since we never spent much time on it, but we're getting better at it. Still, I'm so over the phone - in person is SO much better.
Mostly, though, I kinda feel at loose ends. I find myself thinking about how long it would take for people to notice if something happened to me since I have no one at home expecting me. I wander around the house talking to myself because there's no one else to talk to - that seemed a bit more normal when Nutmeg was still there, I could at least pretend I was talking to her. Opening spaghetti jars - I forgot how hard that is.
I've enjoyed the solitude to some extent, but everything is better with Mark around, even just boring day to day stuff. I'm totally ready for my boy to come home.
October 23 Do & Don'tI feel like I should have seen this before because it's just too hilarious, but nope. I just stumbled upon it for the first time - that's why I love the Internet - infinite gems to be found.
I am totally LAUGHING OUT LOUD F'REALS (LOLFR) - perfect for a Monday. October 12 RockLast night, I went to the Showbox to see Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. Interestingly, the opening act turned out to be a better show, we all agreed. We started out with some happy hour beers at the Pike Pub and then got to the Showbox when the doors opened at 8 cos someone was obsessed with getting bar seats. Which is a good thing to be obsessed about, but also means you do have to be there for a long time before the headliner ever comes on. There were 2 opening acts, so CYHSY did not even get on stage until 11 or so. It was a looong night.
The trajectory of my evening was very "typical Beth," as Roger said today. It's funny cos it's true - I will predictably burn bright and crash hard despite all well-meaning intentions not to do so. I wandered off at one point during the opening act and was waiting for a beer at the bar and I overheard these younglings talking about anal sex, and I was just standing there giggling to myself as they kept talking about it. They noticed me giggling and next thing I know, I'm drawn into their conversation for, like, 1/2 an hour. My peeps were texting me wondering where I'd gone off to, but I was enjoying remembering the world through very early 20s eyes. Somehow I ended up with them buying me a shot of tequila (which I never ever do) and giving one of them my phone number because he needed someone to edit his writing. And I also walked away with a full and free beer in my hand.
The tequila shot was my downfall. After hootin' and hollerin' and making friends and doing shots, I ended up falling asleep in the middle of the headlining act. How can you even fall asleep in a place that loud? It's called old age+tequila. At the end of the night, I descended into maudlin drunkenness, had to be driven home, and got sick around 6am.
God but I'm tired today. I'm getting too old to go out on school nights. October 10 Tunnel VisionSometimes I get complete tunnel vision. I'll find myself only thinking of the negative aspects of a thing, completely unable to even remember the existence of the positive aspects. Like that old lady/young girl optical illusion, I sometimes just can't SEE the alternate view.
I get so caught up in the moment and the particular situation that it seems like it is the whole world and completely critical. And then later, I'll come out of the haze, and realize it really isn't that bad. It feels like sobering up or something - I literally feel burdened and weighted down and completely hopeless when in the middle of it. And then, the clouds part, and the thing I was obsessing about seems not that important. A few minutes earlier, I could be thinking "I can't handle this," and then, next thing I know, I'm like "I don't even care about this that much? Why did it seem like such a big deal?"
This is all part of my psyche's ongoing war: Pragmatic Side vs. Emotional Side. I picture it like a Venn diagram where there is an optimal area of overlap, an ideal mix of practical and heartfelt. And I try to live in that overlap, but sometimes, I am completely outside of it. For months now, I've been definitely skewing towards the emotional side and I'm kinda over it. It's really exhausting to be feeling ALL THE TIME, but it's kinda hard to switch these things on and off all willy-nilly. It's just the ebb and flow of life, I guess, but I'm trying to figure out how I can start to feel detached from things. Like I'm watching from far away and it's interesting but not all that relevant to me so I don't really have any strong opinions about it. Kinda like that time my aunt gave me a Xanax for my jet lag(?!).
I find that in these cases, it's best to try and sit quietly, coast along on the surface of things and ride it out (although this is good in theory, I often fail at accomplishing it). When I'm in this state, it feels like anytime I try to talk about something important with someone it goes poorly. The complete lack of perspective (i.e. the tunnel vision) just makes me react badly and get all worked up over little things to the point where I can't see the big picture. And then people think you are irrational and crazy and YOU ARE. And who wants that? NOT ME! I'm going to claw my way back to the overlap like that guy who crawls down the mountain with a broken leg in Touching the Void. If I can channel a fifth of that guy's determination, I'll make it back to the Venn Diagram Sweet Spot™ in short order. Scaredy CatI've never lived alone. Which means that I get a little squirrely staying in the house alone at night. I'm just not used to the things that go bump in the night. But things were going ok before last night. I mean, I was able to quell the occasional paranoid-seen-too-many-crime-shows impulses and just enjoy having the house to myself (leave the ironing board out, no one's around to see it! watch whatever I want to on the TV!).
However, at 4:30am last night, Nutmeg went ape shit. Like "there's an intruder in the house" ape shit. Never, in the entire time she's stayed with us, has she barked at night. Or maybe a tiny bark if she hears talking outside and then right back to her bed. But she was barking at full volume, growling, running up and down the stairs between the bedroom window perch (where she can see the street) and the downstairs. No matter how much I yelled at her, she would not stop barking. This whole crazy episode went on for a good 10 minutes.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I was feeling a bit scared and paranoid. I mean, this was unusual dog behavior. I put on my glasses to investigate (not downstairs, of course, no way), but since she kept going to the window, I figured it must be something outside. The only thing I could see was a guy about a half a block away, just standing there. Not moving, just standing in front of one of the condos on the corner. Nutmeg finally stopped barking when I came to sit next to her by the window and just kept growling until they guy went away completely.
I laid in bed feeling all creeped out, thinking: Sylar. After a few minutes of my heart racing, I finally went back to sleep. It's good to know that Nutmeg recognizes pure evil and will defend me against it. But let's hope pure evil stakes out a different block tonight. October 09 FlashbacksYesterday, I received a phone call and an email about former letters I'd written. The phone call was from my friend Matt telling me he'd found a letter I'd written him freshman year of college. Wow. He read it to me and it was hilarious. I used an inordinate number of adjectives. Like I'd write a sentence and then include an exclamation after it. Annoying!
"We have to get up at the ungodly hour of 6:15am to go volunteer at the Cherry Blossom Parade. Yuck! But I do have visions of free sushi dancing in my head. Delicious!"
The email was from my friend Glenda - forwarding me an email I had written her right before I left Japan, about 4 years ago. Here is a snippet from that email:
"as far as leaving japan goes: i:m slightly freaking out about it. this is my home in a weird way and i:m just kinda feeling sad about leaving. also, i know that going to america will be a return to real life. life in japan is like reality-lite. no real life pressure and stress. the other day i was looking online for jobs in seattle, and i started to panic! i hate looking for a job. i:m so not qualified for any good job."
Note the use of semi-colon instead of apostrophes. The apostrophe on the Japanese keyboard is so awkward and doesn't flow well in typing, so I gave up on the apostrophe and used a semi-colon instead. Funny to look back and remember freaking out about getting a job and moving to Seattle. Nowadays, it feels like I've been living my stable Seattle life forever. I could use a little uncertainty in my life to motivate me to do something new.
I thought it was weird that this happened twice to me in one day. There's something so amusing and satisfying about re-visiting stuff like that - you can hear your "voice" in these old letters, but it's slightly different because you were younger, using different slang, talking about people you don't know anymore. October 04 An Up to the Minute News ReportMark, on cell phone, walking dog. Me, at work.
Mark: What was the color of your thong that Nutmeg chewed up? Red?
Me: Yeah, well, hot pink. Why did she dig it out of the trash and go at it again?
Mark: Um, no. It's in her poop.
Me: Ohmigod. Like just now? You're on the walk?
Mark: Yes. I wanted to check cos I was worried it was blood.
Me (shocked into silence):...
Mark: Ok, it looks like cloth, so it's ok.
Me (laughing too hard to speak):...
Mark (ominously): This is not the end of it. There will be more.
Ohman. That is totally not the kind of phone call you expect to receive at the office.
Glossary of Commonly Used Words in My Friend Group, A Work in Progress(As inspired by Tina, origin noted where known)
Dave Time [deyv-tahym]
-adjective
1. Of or relating to Dave's complete unawareness of time.
-noun
2. The amount of time which must be added to the advertised departure time to determine when Dave will show up, usually 1 hour.
FON [fon]
-noun
1.Fun, but extra fun as indicated by the use of the letter 'O' and all caps. Must be said in all caps.
Person of origin: Gina.
See also, DRONK. My Pussy Hurts [mahy-poos-ee-hurts]
-phrase, exclamation
1.Used for purposes of ridicule when one or more members of the party want to go home early or are otherwise complaining about something trivial. Must be said in high, mocking voice. RipZone [rip-zohn]
-noun
1. To be so deeply intoxicated that you have entered an altogether higher level of wasted. You are so RIPPED, that you have gone to the place where rip LIVES.
Person of origin: Emily
Sensiepoo [sen-see-poo]
-adjective
1. To overreact, to be unreasonably sensitive. Often used as an explanation for irrational behavior.
Person of origin: Roger
Take it up a notch [teyk-it-uhp-ey-noch]
-phrase
1. An imperative to party harder or to escalate the fun in some manner.
2. The directive to grab another suggestively during a drunken photograph.
Person of origin: Emily
See also, A Game. Vault [vawlt]
-noun
1. The place where you store confidential information told to you by a friend, ex. Put this in the vault.
-adjective
2. Identifying or designating information as top secret, ex. What I'm about to tell you is vault. |
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