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    August 31

    Haunted

    There are certain movies that stick with you long after you've watched them. I hadn't had this happen to me in awhile, but about a month ago, Chloe and I watched a Japanese movie called Nobody Knows. We sat down to watch it pretty late and thought we might just watch a few minutes of it and then go to bed and finish it another time. However, it was so completely engrossing that once we started watching, no further mention was made of sleep and we watched it straight through.
     
    For starters, the children actors in the movie are incredible. Watch out Dakota Fanning! The subtlety of their performances is really impressive - the oldest son and daughter especially manage to capture and convey all sorts of complicated emotions with a slight change in facial expression. Seeing the depth of their sadness is like looking into a deep, dark well and I can't help but wonder how these children were able to get at something that sinister having not experienced it themselves. I don't think most adult actors could do it.
     
    This movie's story and imagery is really haunting, particularly since it is based on a true story (which is just, oh, slightly more horrific than the movie version). I don't know why this sticks with me, but it totally does - the main character enters a convenience store a lot and somehow, the cinematographers nailed the exact shade of stark fluorescent lighting that one finds in a Japanese convenience store. It just made the story seem all the more real for me. Tokyo was a perfect setting. The childrens' small neighborhood juxtaposed with the more industrial images of Tokyo seemed to be a comment on how the children must feel about the world as a whole - their neighborhood is residential, full of familiar landmarks, there's a tiny park that's like a second home. The children, and the viewer, can believe that they will be safe as long as they stay in that sphere, even if that isn't true. Once you leave their neighborhood, the images of Toyko are scary and lonely - everything is cement, hard angles, gray. In the end, when the two environs meet and bleed together, nothing feels safe anymore. And it isn't.    
     
    After watching the movie, I felt ripped open and laid bare. I think this may be the saddest movie I have ever seen. The darkness of the situation playing against the hopefulness and fragility of children really affected me and I find myself thinking about the movie a lot even though it's been weeks since I watched it. And I've noticed that both Chloe and I have brought it up to each other several times since watching it - both of us can't help but be curious as to what happened to the real children involved. 
     
    If you can stand a sad movie, it's a really beautiful and affecting film.
    August 30

    No Martha

    Wow. Rubber stamping is hard. That's what I learned last night. Me and the lovely Vu sisters convened last night for some bridal shower crafting, and for some inexplicable reason, I was assigned the job of rubber stamping. Vu the older is usually the paper craft maven, but she was not in the mood for stampin' and so I took on the challenge. There was much trial and much error. And many grumbling expletives. Luckily, Mark was on hand to make dacquiris, which either helped or harmed the process, depending on your perspective. Let's just say that my rubberstamping aesthetic is "shabby chic." You know, intentionally messy. Um, yeah.
     
    I seem to be lacking in the domestic goddess department. Mark is always lamenting the lack of food in our "larder" (although, I do stock plenty of snacks). I hate grocery shopping and I never feel like cooking on week nights. I mean, I already got one job, I don't need to come home to another. I don't make cute homemade cards or grow my own vegetables or cook spectacularly without a recipe or make interesting wall art for our home. I totally am in awe of my friends who do all these things.
     
    All that domestic stuff seems like A LOT of work that's not entirely worth it to me. I "sew" once a year for Halloween. And occasionally cook a big meal. I don't trust myself with plants besides cacti. Chloe gave me a plant for my birthday, and the plant and I had a stressful relationship for the first few months until I figured out how to keep it alive. Basically, I keep the house clean and the fridge stocked with beer. That seems good enough to me most of the time.
     
    My family was totally traditional when it came to gender roles. My mom did all the cooking, cleaning, household stuff, etc. and my dad spent his free time on the couch watching tv. My mom is incredibly crafty, too. She can bake, sew, crochet, make elaborate t-shirts and photo albums and so on. My dad was also very into promoting the idea that my sisters and I should be "ladylike." So, by all rights, I should be a natural crafter! But, no, I think I decided that laying on the couch watching TV is preferable to elaborate t-shirt painting projects. My sisters and I all curse like sailors and none of us ever learned how to sew - so we are neither ladylike nor crafty. I guess this just goes to show you that your kids will do the opposite of what you want them to do.
     
    All that aside, though, crafting was fun last night. The end product turned out pretty cute if I do say so myself. Yaye, us!  
    August 29

    Old Seattle's Dying Gasps

    Something that has been bumming me out about Seattle for awhile now is the way that lots of old, cool places get torn down to make way for condos. Whenever we see a land use action sign, we don't even bother to look anymore because it's always Mixed Use Condos.
     
    The latest victim is the Jade Pagoda. I can't say that I've ever eaten there because I don't like chinese food, but the lounge is an institution in its own right. Everything that a dive bar should be - stiff, cheap drinks with a dark interior and a kick ass juke box. My favorite memory of the Pagoda is the night when I was there with Mark, Mauricio, Clarissa and JoHu. We had a "Pass the Dance" moment of drunken hilarity where one person would do some crazy chair dance and then "pass" it to the next person. I guess you had to be there, but it was awesome. Of course, JoHu was the obvious stand out at this particular sport.
     
    The Pagoda has been on Broadway for over 60 years...and now another institution is dead. For condos. It's depressing - do you think in ten years nothing good will be left in Seattle? Just condos as far as the eye can see? There are so many cool places here that it's a real shame for them to all just die off.
     
    Anyway, I'll be there on Thursday night drinking their signature alcohol laden tea and saying a fond farewell.
    August 24

    Bubby is back...for now

    Bubby is a nickname I have for dogs in general, and Nutmeg in specific. Bubby is a cross between puppy and baby. Yes, I'm a total cutesy dog talker. I can't help it. I love to talk to the dog and coo and give love to the dog. Her other nicknames around our house include: Nutter, Nutter Butter, and The Nut. Nutmeg has been staying with us for almost 2 months now, and this is the closest I've ever come to having my own dog. Mark suggested that this petsitting task would help me see what it's really like to have a dog and whether or not I'm ready for the responsibility. Maybe he was hoping my answer would be no, but it is, in fact, quite the opposite.
     
    Man, it was pretty sad coming home Monday night without Nutmeg there to greet me. She was still at the dog kennel and the word on the streets was that maybe she would go back to he real family that night. I was feeling pretty busted up about it, the house just seemed lonely and her absence was palpable. But then it turned out that she gets to stay with us for a little longer, and when I came home Tuesday night and she was there to greet me, I felt a huge happiness about it. Never having really had a pet growing up, it still kind of amazes me the kind of attachment that can happen there. In one of our book club books, there's a part where the main character has to leave his dog with his sister and her family for awhile - when he tries to claim the dog back, the sister is like nope, you can't have him, we love him too much now. That's how I feel about Nutmeg. I'm a bad foster parent! I broke the first rule of fostering - I got attached. And now she's going back to her real parents soon and I'm glad she's with us for now, but I do get kinda mopey about her impending departure. 
     
    It's the little things that tickle me about her. Like I have this shower "scrubby buddy" stuffed lady bug bath toy that my mom gave me years ago in my Christmas stocking and usually it sits on the bathtub edge. One day, it fell on the floor and I didn't pick it up. A day or so later, I saw that Nutmeg had taken it for a toy and it had moved to the living room with her other toys. That's so SMART! I mean, there's tons of crap on the floor of the house and she knows that they aren't her toys. And she never once touched the scrubby buddy when it was on the bathtub. But then she recognized that stuffed thing + on the floor = my toy. That just kills me with its cuteness.
     
    Last night, I took her bed away to wash it and she was so depressed. She just kept going back to the spot where the bed was and looking for it. All the time, she will lay wherever on the carpet, but this time, with her bed missing, nothing would do. She just kept wandering around waiting for her bed to re-appear. When I put our newly washed sheets on the floor to make the bed, she was, like, OK! And promptly laid on them. I had to get her a surrogate bed towel which she was not that pleased with but eventually laid down on until her real bed was back. That kinda stuff - the window into her thoughts and personality - is so fun to observe. Poor Nutter - got a bath, a brushing, and her bed taken away all in one night. I had to give her major treats to make up for all that abuse.
     
    Anyway, Mark's all like enjoy her while she's still here and don't think about her leaving yet. But I'm not good at that - I can't help but think that soon I will not get to see her cute little face first thing in the morning and there will be no more enjoying our quiet morning walk together and cuddles when I get home. I guess I'll just have to get my own dog.
     
     
    August 22

    Cliche Musings Generated by the Book I'm Currently Reading

    On the houseboat vacay, I ran out of books, so Tina loaned me Drop City. Basically, it's about the clash of two subcultures - a commune of hippies and backwoods Alaskan men who live off the land. Even though the two groups come from completely different mindsets, they both have the goal of escaping capitalistic society.

    Not having been alive in the 60's, it's really easy to just view the whole hippie culture as some kind of cute episode in history. Peace signs! Tie dye! Acid! I guess it just seems like some little blip that maybe only affected a few people, so it's weird to think of it like more of a movement. Reading this book has been interesting in refuting that perception. Obviously, I can't know what it was like, so I'm just taking the narrator's word for it, but the characters in the book are totally flaky drug heads, but they also are sincerely earnest about the idea of living a different kind of life and changing the status quo.

    I know that I've never felt that kind of optimism - that you could choose to live off the map or chage the world or whatever. It just seems like maybe back then there was way more opportunity to do that kind of thing. Like not even the whole trying to change the world part, just trying to survive without a job in today's society seems impossible to me. Bartering for things you need? Can one even barter in today's society? Maybe for little stuff, but not enough to sustain a life.

    Of course, reading this book, it sounds like the lifestyle is majorly uncomfortable. God, no showers, dirty sleeping bags, ramshackle communes. Why would anyone want to live that way? Is all the discomfort and bad food and instability worth not having to go to work everyday? I guess it depends on your personality. I know that I like to be comfortable. I couldn't do it. I would have been a horrible hippie. I woulda been like where are the showers? Long haired dudes playing the same 3 songs on janky out of tune guitars around a campfire? Let me bite off my leg to get OUT OF THERE. Woodstock? Why on earth would I want to run around naked in MUD? I bet you could get ring worm like that. I guess they didn't care about ring worm. I'm a product of my own generation and  era and somehow society and culture and my upbringing have all contrived to make it very important to me to not get ring worm. But we also know that I don't like concerts anyway, so I don't think there's any band in the history of the world that would make me want to deal with Woodstock conditions. So it could just be me and the rest of my generation is DOWN for some naked-mud-no-bathrooms type concerts.

    When I think about creating a commune, I think it would be cool. IF it involved me and my friends on a major huge plot of land - but each with our own nice house and tvs and internet. And no farming. We could, like, get a big plot of beachside land in Nicaragua and telecommute to work for 20 hours a week and eat gourmet and have indoor plumbing. Hmmm...sounds more like a resort than a commune. I'm SOFT.

    I guess I'm not really saying anything new here, but I've found this book interesting on many levels. It's been cool to have an unromantic look at an era that is often romanticized. In a way, the lack of rose colored glasses makes it more interesting to consider. In any case, all this to say that I'm enjoying this book and that I'd recommend it.

    Vision Realized

    Today is a momentous day. My piggy bank was full and I took it to the Red Apple CoinStar machine. If you use the money to get a gift card, you don't have to pay a processing fee. After six years of saving all my change....the total came to 281.63! Watching all those coins add up was pretty darn satisfying, I have to say.
     
    So what will I be buying? Half of it will go towards a new camera and the other half will go towards some diamond stud earrings. So a mix of the practical and the completely unneccessary. That seems about right to me.
    August 09

    You Know What Time It Is

    Monday night we watched the first real episode of season 2 of Flavor of Love. This show is all that makes reality shows brilliant distilled into one garish, trashy package. It is AWESOME.
     
    So, the basic premise of the show is that Flava Flav, of Public Enemy fame, is searching for love. 20 chicks show up at his mansion and he eliminates them until he has his lady love.
     
    Only some of the few things that make me love this show:
     
    1. No one this show, including Flava Flav, appears to have an IQ above 90. This means all kinds of ridiculousness comes out of their mouths. I love all the malapropisms and misuse of "big" words. On this season, some already great quotes:
     
    "You want some lip chap?" - I have never before heard anyone refer to chapstick as lip chap. How outstanding.
     
    "I did say something consisting of Lesbianist, but I didn't say I was like a LESBIAN, BAM!" Just the sentence structure here and the complete grammar misuse is brilliant.
     
    Girl, praying: "Please, lord, forgive me for beating this girl's ass. Please, lord, forgive me for wanting to beat this girl's ass again.
    Girl who got her ass beat: "Is that really neccessary?"
    Girl, praying: "Girl, you better quit interuppting my prayers before God direct me to whoop your ass."
     
    You just can't right conversations that good.
     
    2. They fight like they mean it on this show. These women are literally insane.
     
    3. Flava Flav's kissing style is a very literal interpretation of the phrase "to suck face." It is a nasty, nasty sight to behold.
     
    4. Nicknames are assigned by Flav to each girl because he cannot remember their real names. Nicknames always include alternate spellings. This season we have: Payshitz (Patience), Spunkeeey, Nibblz (already being called Nipplz by the other girls), and oh so much more. I encourage you to come up with your own Flav nickname for yourself.
     
    5. It is about pure nastiness and flagrant sex to get Flav's attention. Lots of booty shakin' and naked flashin' and dirty dancin'.
     
    6. Where else on earth are you going to see a woman shit herself on national TV? And not only that, but she doesn't even seem at all embarassed. That is IMPRESSIVE.
     
    7. All the girls fawn all over Flav and talk about how they "love" him and how he's "their man" even though they hardly know him. There are some cases where you can tell they're fakin' it and there are other cases when they really seem to mean it. I can't decide which is worse: pretending to be attracted to someone as nasty as Flav and actually kissing him (see point 3), or actually being attracted to Flav and enjoying making out with him. Ewwww.
     
    8. There are girls who are pretty and thin on this show. There are girls who are ugly and fat on this show. Flav's taste is really, really trashy in some cases. He seems to really like girls that most "celebrities" would not deign to touch.  
     
    9. There is a white woman on this season who talks black. Badly. Every time she comes up on the screen, I lose it. So, so crazy to think people like this actually exist.
     
    I mean, this is just the tip of the iceberg. This show is the epitome of trashy TV - it's definitely a "laugh at them, not with them" kinda situation. Even though I spend most of this show laughing, it does make me question how America became such a super power if these are the types of people that make up our fine nation. Holy shit. Poor Whitney, little did she know back in the 80's when she was singing "I believe the children are the future," that these were the children that would become the future.  
     
     
    August 02

    Daijoubu

    Mark sent me this site that features clips from a Japanese TV Show. In the show, they stack the contents of a house or other place in such a way that they can cascade domino style. Totally blew my mind - some might ask why a TV show like this, but I totally get it. It's really interesting to watch and to think about how they did it, etc. There is no why. There is just pure enjoyment.
     
    I think this is the case with a lot of Japanese TV. Check out the other Japanese TV clips on the site, too. They are so awesome. Especially this weird cosplay/pain competition show

    Day 4? No More?

    Last night, Mark made Shepherd's Pie for dinner. The whole entire house smelled so, so yummy. It took everything I had not to just bury my face in there and eat it all up.
     
    Right now, I'm totally thinking about giving up. Lunchtime is upon us and I could eat a salad. A salad sounds so good right now. Anything. Just not lemonade. But will I regret it if I give up? I did reach the original goal of 3 days.
     
    Updated to add: Mark talked me down. I guess I'm sticking it out another day.
     
    Updated yet again: Dood! Just got invite for Thursday Nite dinner through work at STEAK HOUSE. I can't turn that down. It's over, all over. I gotta start eating now so I can handle steak by tomorrow night.
    August 01

    Deprived

    The last meal I ate was on Saturday night. Mark did this Lemonade Cleanse ages ago and has been encouraging me to do it ever since. I'm not sure why I finally agreed. Partially to prove to him that I could do it and partially to push myself physically and also because houseboat is coming up.
     
    Today, I feel kind of speedy. Mark promised that I would have a ton of energy around day 3 and he was right. I feel like when I take too much cough medicine. All amped up and unable to concentrate.
     
    The first day, I felt sluggish. The second day, I felt like all I could think about was food. Now, I just feel AMPED. I'm not really craving too much anymore. Yesterday I woke up from a dream where I was playing on a softball team and the coach was passing out strawberry poptarts. Haven't had those in years, though I do love them, so it's weird that I would dream about that.
     
    I've also been craving a burrito, bagel with cream cheese, chips and salsa, and Indian food. Now, I'm just like in this weird outside state of smelling food and thinking, hmmm, that smells good. But not thinking about how I want to eat it up RIGHT NOW. So, I guess the body does adjust.
     
    I promised I would do 3 days, and today is day 3. Mark did it for 10 days. I don't know how. I may try to go longer since it has gotten easier, but I dunno.
     
    Updated to add (a mere half hour later): I take it back. Everyone just went to lunch and I feel desperate and like I want to eat. Boo.